Posted: Wednesday 17th December 2014
Ever ask the question, why didn’t she just leave?
Emotional, physical, mental, sexual and financial abuse, it happens over time, and before you know it, you are on survival mode.
Here is less than ten minutes of my day, all day, everyday was like this.
He would ask, or tell me to make him a coffee;
- I am not to refuse and I am to get up straight away
- I check the children are alright and safe being left for a few moments, but ensuring that he does not clock that I am checking on them first, so he does not feel less important than them.
- The kettle needs to have enough water in it to make him a coffee and another one incase the first one I handed him is not good enough. Equally I am to ensure the kettle is not too full as that would cause issues if I take too long.
- I am not to spill a single grain of sugar on the work top when putting two spoon fulls in his coffee. If I spill any I am to clean it straight away, without letting him see I spilt some, as if he sees me spill some he would use this as an excuse to shout at me.
- If he is stood in front the fridge when I need to get the milk out, I am to make good conversation and make laughter as to ensure I can say ‘excuse me’ without any threats back.
- I am to ensure that the coffee cup is not too full but equally not below a certain line or that would also cause trouble.
- I am to ensure I do not stir the coffee too loud or for too long as this causes issues.
- I am to pass it to him or put it down where his eyes tell me too, but if near one of the children I am to put it down first and then take the little one away from the hot drink, as he needs to feel more important than anything or anyone else.
- If he tells me it is disgusting I am to make him another one, not to answer back but to just apologise.
That was my life, that was normal, it was a constant heightened awareness of ensuring he was happy and at the centre of everything, that’s why I had no energy to leave. My own thoughts or opinions or anything about me was unimportant, I didn’t feel important enough to leave.
The police CAN help, they will BELIEVE You, this is Domestic Abuse. Don’t suffer in silence. Do not be afraid to phone them.
Once a victim, now a survivor.
A second guest blog from this same survivor will be published next week.